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An Apple A Day...Or Not

I'm sure most of you have heard that Apple has released its latest iPhone, as well as an update to its iOS that affects all of the users who have Apple stuff like iPads, etc. The hype has been crazy and if you listen to sites like Gizmodo, you might think, “WOW! I wanna get that NOW!” Though I personally envision the guys of Gizmodo in a dimly lit room, staring at their new iPhone with a bottle of hand lotion and a box of tissues (if you know what I mean).

ipad ios7 icons
What the cover screen looks like now on my iPad2

ipad ios7 icons
What the icons look like now on my iPad2

So what does it mean for us who didn't go out and buy the new iCrap? Well, with Apple’s new iPad with retina display, you might think things like the icons would have so much more detail. Nope, they went with a more retro look and made it…well, less appealing. That's not just me saying that; my mother-in-law is all kinds of upset with iOS7 and asking me why her iPad must look this way and can't I make it go back. What about changes I can use? Calendar events in the drop down? Not sure if that qualifies as great, since I was seeing that with my Google app. In fact, I'm hard pressed to find anything concrete to make me happy about the update.

So the hype must be about the new iPhone5 instead? Yeah, that's got to be it. So what is cool about the new phones? Well, there were two versions released. The iPhone5c, which is a selection of plastic ones that come in colours and the iPhone5s, the same ol' metal ones that have different shades. Now that's something. You can now prove your brand loyalty by showing you paid more for the metallic phone while others who wanted or couldn't afford got the plastic one. Though the plastic one is a sure way to let people know that you're not using a phone that came out last year.

Surely there is new innovation here, at least. Yup, there is now a thumb scanner. Nice way to say, “Honey, you're not able to use my phone.” Guess those raving about this in America have forgotten that winter is around the corner and also fail to recall how much you bitched last year about your hands being cold from just touching the screen to the point that a stylus had to be made. Great job, Apple. Oh there are some other new features but it's looking like it was just to keep up with Android and the features they have had for ages.

In the spirit of fairness, I've asked some people who were all “Wow, look at this new iOS!” what it was exactly that was so awesome. Guess what? All they could come up with was about the aesthetics. Sorry, but I'm a geek and need more than some visual makeover to make it a must-have device.

zoolander iphone5
Much like Derek Zoolander

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